Keep Walking

Fear

The flip side of courage is fear. Fear is something I am very familiar with. In college I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. This diagnosis seemed very strange to me because I LOVE to be around people. But for some reason in certain social situations I would have panic attacks. I’m not talking about mild attacks – I’m talking serious attacks.

My panic attacks always started with losing the ability to breathe, like my chest was closing in on me. I felt a large amount of adrenaline rushing throughout my entire body – I could not be still. My heart beat increased, I got light headed, and eventually I would throw up. After getting sick, I would just sit on the floor in the bathroom for a few minutes because, I was too weak to do anything else. I loathed this experience. You must understand throwing up is in my top 5 least favorite things to do. I HATE getting sick – thus I dreaded panic attacks even more than normal.

At first I prayed and prayed and asked God to take this away from me. Month after month passed by and nothing changed in my behavior. I continued to experience panic attacks, even while on medication. These attacks were getting to me mentally and emotionally. I began to feel defeated. And then one morning while I was laying in bed, contemplating how to face the day with another attack in my future, my phone rang. I actually answered my phone. This is what I heard on the other end.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans words can not express.”

That was my friend Shelly reading Romans 8:26. Shelly told me she felt that God wanted her to call me and read this verse to me. I am SO thankful that she decided to listen to the Spirit’s prompting, because that is exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Groans – I was at the point of groans. I could no longer find the words to pray. I was desperate. Fear had taken over, but to know that God was praying for me gave me strength.

I got out of bed with a new attitude. I learned what Geri talks about in her story – that I did not have to conquer fear to experience life. I learned that I have to find courage to walk through my fear. The only way I could walk through my fear was to walk through it with Jesus holding my hand. And I would picture just that in my mind in those hard moments. I too called this fear my thorn in my flesh, and with this new God given insight, my fear began to lose it’s power over me.

Now, year’s later my anxiety is MUCH better. I know a new freedom in life because of Jesus. I cling to the fact that He is praying for me, and that He loves me. And if God is praying for me and loves me – what do I really have to fear? I rarely experience a panic attack these days. But if for some reason my thorn rears its ugly head, I don’t cower. I walk through it.

My prayer for you is that you learn Romans 8:26. I pray that you cling to God’s word. I pray that you trust him. I pray, that you internalize the fact, that THE all powerful God of the universe has YOU in His prayers. Breathe deep His hope. Take in the courage He can give you…and keep walking.

One last note – if you did pick a theme song (reference from my last blog entry) this is another great time to play it in your head.

May the Lord Bless you.